The vulnerability project

 I shouldn’t have done it. I. Should. Not. Have. Done. It.  I bought a scale. In a previous blog, I directly said that I have an unhealthy relationship with scales and it eventually leads to discouragement.  Everyone kept asking how much weight I have lost... and I just became curious. Well, first, I sent it to the wrong address because Amazon switches my default to the place I used to live which happens to start with the same number to my current sweet ass apartment… and I keep forgetting to remove it. Should have been a sign, the universe saying “no you don’t need this”. Well I went to pick it up, unpacked it, right? And it was acting funny. Should have left it at that. Nope, switched out the batteries. I started to Envision a larger and larger amount of weight I could have lost considering the clear differences you can already see. So I step on and BAM! Immediate disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, 15 pounds in 5 weeks is pretty good but, I don’t know… I thought it wou...

 I am probably driving everyone that come in contact with me insane. Why, you ask? I've been REALLY getting into Zumba. More specifically Refit Rev. I love their positive vibes! They try to make moves that anyone can do--though I still can't jump because TLDR: Glass, 51 Stitches, I am a clutz Sooooo, I'm modifying the jumps out for something a little easier on my wound haha! Today, I thought I would list my favorite videos from youtube. I highly recommend: 1.High Hopes by Panic!  High energy, super fun, makes me feel a little badass. Can't stop smiling  2. Hunter, Galantis Not only is Galantis one of my all time favorites, but this will kick your core's ass. Plus, I really get into it, the shoulder moves make me FEEL like a hunter haha! 3.Aftergold by Big Wild Another one of my favorites, and can I just say swaaaaag. Don't think you have swag? Do this work out, you will! 4.Rain on Me, Gaga and Grande I love me some Gaga all the time. This one is deceiving, you...

 Tell me that ya love me more... Great song. Week 4 Well I feel great. Also people genuinely notice a difference in my body which feels too soon to see a difference buuuuut  I am on 2000 mg of Metformin a day. That is a lot. and It was rapid. It  like, helps my body bypass the important bits so I don't absorb so much sugar. It also boosts energy, suppresses hunger, and works at a weight loss agent.  I have upgraded to Zumba from my walks. I still enjoy my walks from time to time, don't get me wrong. Give me some sand and my headphones and I am in my happy place. That being said, I found a YouTube channel that's perfect for me and it's super fun to see me improve day by day. Plus, they have a pretty rocking song selection. Sia, Galantis, some 90s and more.  So those two factors plus my changed eating habits... It makes sense! Wooo look at me go! In terms of moods, I can feel it improving day by day but damn I feel like my spirit animal's dark side is definitely G...

 So in my first blog, I made a pretty personal confession of a deep routed fear that was preventing me from living a healthier life. Well, it’s been almost 4 weeks and I feel that I have fully left that fear behind me.  The thing about admitting your vulnerability, is that once it is out in the world. It’s more real. I said my fear to that poor male dr that was just trying to teach me how to check my blood sugar and boom. I realized it is a problem. And once I accepted this, it was time to confront it. In the next few posts I mentioned that when I was a child, I made a list of things that make me happy to help cope with things that were completely out of my control. I like lists, tangible data that helps reinforce an end result. My happy list, grocery lists, and now tracking my blood sugar. Let me explain. I do not own a scale, and that is what’s best for me, especially right now. I get obsessed with the numbers going doing and get frustrated when I plateau or see no changes f...

 It's been 3 weeks baby, which according to my mom friend Nicole, is how long it takes to change habits. And I feel it. I get excited and even prefer to cook my own food. When I am bored, I pick a dance workout routine on YouTube. I think part of my overeating is a mixture of boredom and wanting something tasty in my mouth. So, I am filling my time.  Listen, I used to hate it when people tried to force changes on me. It's like they were taking my security blanket away (ie my weight). But I don't know, once I was facing an early death, I needed to confront those fears and make a change.  There is something about saying your deepest darkest thoughts out loud that makes it real. I addressed my fear of losing too much weight with my Drs and I just knew it was time- and I'm no longer afraid.  But what I want to encourage all of you to do: eat better. You will have more energy. You will sleep better. Your poops will be easier. Your hair will feel healthier. Your skin will ...