Stop caring about what other people think about you

 Honestly, the hardest and best thing I have ever done.

Let’s talk about anxiety. I’m not talking PTSD level. I’m talking about the situations everyone experiences, for instance:

-Reading text messages and misinterpreting the tone or overall meaning from the sender. This happens for a couple of reasons. For one, there is a lack of tangible connection. No tone of voice, no physical indicators (body language) on a primal level we instinctively know how to read. Some are better than others at this (Empaths), but a complete removal of these two indicators leave you to your biological drives. In this case, it would be self preservation, subcategory fear of the unknown). If you feel like this happens to you and a loved one, acknowledge the conversation should be in person or over the phone. Tough conversations might be scary, but if you are afraid of being misconstrued, just wait till you can have a more personal conversation.

-FOMO , there’s even an urban dictionary slang abbreviation for it. FOMO or fear of missing out, this directly hits our self worth. “Why wasn’t I invited?” Listen, adult friendships are hard. We don’t live near each other for the most part. I used to spend so much time wondering why I felt like I was putting all the work into friendships or seeing friends out without me. Here is a hard truth, these situations are never done maliciously (unless it was, in which case fuck that person) friends have different ties, sometimes drift apart due to schedules/busy life/distance and that’s okay. If you want to change that, make the effort (not saying invite yourself but initiate next time). It is not reasonable to hold someone accountable if you yourself are not putting in the work. if they don’t reciprocate, it’s tough but you will find that once you stop chasing for people’s approval, your people find you. Put your energy in to what makes you happy, feel good, enjoy life. You won’t have FOMO anymore, that’s for sure. And please take note that because you aren’t putting energy toward someone anymore, that means negative energy as well. You don’t need it, it doesn’t serve you, and truthfully the other person might have no idea how you are feeling, so you either fight to put the work in to maintain the friendship or just… not let it go… put it on a shelf, check in every once in a while and remember the good times you shared, wish them well. Continue to cultivate and track what is going to ensure you are living your best life.

-Stage Fright. If you emerged from your parent’s womb singing and dancing on stage, and were totally cool with it, power to you my friend. Remember in elementary school where you counted how many kids were ahead of you so you could read the paragraph ahead of time so you wouldn’t mess up in front of the whole class? I memba (South Park) Something I wish I knew at the time is that EVERYONE is nervous, and they are probably much more concerned with their own paragraph than yours. remember practicing a speech for class over and over to feel like you forgot everything you practiced directly before? When you watch someone who is absolutely crushing it, you love it. Something all the best actors have is commitment, giving it their all. But how about when they mess up? Do you actually think badly of the person? Probably not, especially for those who practice empathy. So if you aren’t judging other people harshly, why would they do that to you? And if they do, fuck those people, it’s a reflection on them, not you. We are human, vulnerability is terrifying but so so important. These are large scale examples, but it actually goes much deeper than that. I, myself, am a weirdo and I love it. I am not rich enough to be eccentric, what’s the poor millennial version of that? Ah well, what I am saying is, please explore being your authentic self, be silly, share your ideas with the world, grow. We are imperfect but we learn from experience, and I want to drill this message in: do what makes you happy (as long as you aren’t hurting anyone). 

When I was growing up, I created a list of 10 activities that I liked to do that didn’t have to do with pleasing anyone else. The plan was simple, if I was ever feeling sad or needed an escape, I went through my list and commited to one. It changed over time but generally up till highschool it consisted of:

-dance, literally anywhere (best done with a pal or two—heres looking at you Joanne and Alexis)

-swim (they used to call me fish)

-draw

-write poetry

-read

-go for long walks with headphone on (music is life, music is my escape, music, no matter what, can make it all better for me)

-practice cheer (I was a cheerleader, can you believe?) which later developed to practicing colorguard (two year captain, still miss it sometimes)

-experiment in the kitchen

-explore the woods behind my house. I lived in apartment complex so we had a ton of tree forts, a loop trail, a half pipe for rollerblades and skateboards, and some bike trails. All the neighbors came together over a span of a few years… it was pretty dope

ANYWAY

-rollerblading for sure. Anyone in NH remember Goodtimes in Merrimack? It felt like I lived there in high school, at least on the weekends. 

So that’s just an example, if you are interested in making your own list, I have these tips:

At least half have to be active. They cannot revolve around stationary activities. Yes, video games are great, but you need to rotate activities (can be random, just not repeated constantly) because each activity gives you positive energy for different reasons. Cooking could bring out a creative side. Dancing is a happy experience (and also no one cares if you’re a “bad dancer” it’s completely subjective, have fun) reading is stimulating, and allows you to escape into an entire new world. 

I am off track, in summation; work toward your happiness, and support others in what makes THEM happy and what is right for them. Most people at their core want more than anything to feel accepted and safe for just being them.  COUGH COUGH HAPPY PRIDE MONTH BTW 

This is long and I don’t know how to end it so here’s a quote from my favorite vulnerability expert, Brené Brown (LOOK HER UP, SHE IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL):

“What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?”

Okay another 

“When I see people stand fully in their truth, or when I see someone fall down, get back up, and say, ‘Damn. That really hurt, but this is important to me and I’m going in again’—my gut reaction is, ‘What a badass.’”

Listen they are applicable and great

"Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands."